21 11 / 2013
Oh my goodness, could someone please help me to stop all this procrastination??? I have decided that starting up a business from your home actually means going to the library or starbucks with your laptop, as you cannot be distracted by laundry or dishes there.
I also told my husband that I can no longer hang out with him before he leaves for work. I thoroughly enjoy our drawn out breakfasts together and catching up on DVR, but this needs to stop! I gotta get some shit done over here!
26 10 / 2013
A day after my 30th birthday, I am forced to reflect on my life thus far.
Well, not really forced, but I have the day off and I enjoy being introspective sometimes, and I don’t feel like cleaning right now.
I have seen some lists floating around the web lately about things you should know by 30 or things you should have done or 10 wardrobe pieces you should have by 30 and so on. I’ve seen these lists and checked off a few things, but they don’t all fit for me. And I don’t have any wise words. But I have my own list and my own truths. And I like where I am.
Here are the things I thought I would have by the time I was 30:
- A bank account larger than my school loans. Ha. I’m not sure what my 20 year old theater major self thought I would be doing as a career, other than being a big movie star, to make this happen, but I definitely thought it was possible. Paying back loans are a bitch.
- Children. Don’t misread this one. I want children, but just not now. When I was 18, however, I probably thought I would have a few at this point. Hell, when I was 24 and standing on the altar, I thought I would have a few by now. But you grow everyday, and your life and priorities change, and I’m still growing up. Sitting here at 30, 32 sounds like a good age to start a family. But don’t hold me to that, haha. If I’ve learned anything in my 30 years, it’s that timelines you set for yourself don’t always mean anything.
- A skincare routine. Try as I might, I can’t get this one down. It should be morning and night with a separate cleanser/toner/moisturizer for each and then a bi weekly exfoliating or mask, or something like that. Yeah I don’t have all that stuff. This will be the year, I say!
- The Ultimate Career. This has meant a few things to me over the years, but no matter what it was, I always thought I would have it all achieved and figured out by the time I was 30. I don’t know if I ever said it, more like it was in the back of my mind. Almost an involuntary thought. After every audition I didn’t book, I would think, “well that’s ok, I’ll have a national campaign/movie/series regular by 30. Plenty of time.” And so on for my plethora of interests and career paths. Guess what? There’s still time. Plus let’s not forget about the ones I did book and the career triumphs I have made.
- A house. It was by this day at least that I would have a little bungalow with amazing molding and built-ins and the perfect mudroom, a sewing room to envy that of my mother’s and my aunt’s, great for entertaining and a backyard for summer bbq’s. Oooh, or an awesome NY loft! I blame this one on TV. Houses on TV are obnoxiously perfect, and people who own them are obnoxiously young.
- Size 4. I honestly don’t remember the last time I was a size 4, so I don’t know where this one came from. I mean, I wouldn’t turn my nose up at it, but I’m good.
- The ability to meditate. I’m so bad at this! Why can’t I do it??
But here’s what I do have:
- A support system. If I need something, I can quickly count on one hand the people I would call. And then on my other hand. And both my feet too. Perhaps this is a perk of coming from a large family, and then marrying into one. Or valuing the friends I have had forever or met along the way. I have a lot of people in my corner who love me. Probably more valuable than that size 4.
- A home. It’s tiny. At times I curse it for being so, but it is mine that I share with him, so it is perfect. We have made memories and started our marriage here. So where ever we end up someday, I will look at this home fondly. Even if you took 200 square ft off of it(but please, God, don’t!) I would still love it.
- A plan. I didn’t have this 6 months ago. Even 3 months ago. But now I do and it feels awesome! I have decided to start my own business. It makes going to every waitress and bar tending shift that much easier, because I know where I am going. And I didn’t even have to give up anything else that I wanted. That’s how I know this is right. I have that now.
- A partner. This is not something you need to find by the time you are 30 by any means, but I was lucky enough to find him when I was 16. He has been my rock, never held me back and I’m pretty sure he’s my #1 fan. I am certainly his.
- Happiness. I have known great pain and loss in my life and I have known the highest of highs. I am thankful to know the difference and what things really matter. I am grateful that the majority of my days are filled with happiness and peace. I wish that for everyone.
- Dreams. This is something I will never stop and I just don’t think anyone should. Do what you want with them. I hope you act on them and make something of the ideas in your head. Acting on your dreams and making them a reality can take you in so many directions that you never really thought possible. Sometimes you end up somewhere completely different. I vow to keep this up for another 30 years. And then some.
Here are some things I hope to get better at:
- Keeping in touch.
- Staying on top of recycling. (so much paper in my house)
Nothing groundbreaking here. Just what I have realized in my short but sweet 30 years.
25 10 / 2013
24 10 / 2013
24 10 / 2013
So I had this dream last night that it was time to move back into college. There was obviously an odd series of events that occurred from the packing, the driving (on my own personal tiny train and a car), to the actual moving in of the apartments where the rooms kept changing sizes.
The thing that stuck out the most though, was this very clear thought: “I’m so glad I have two more years to do this.”
And I woke up and I was so sad. I don’t have two more years of this. I haven’t moved into a dorm in, what, 6 years?? I remembered that I am turning 30…..tomorrow!
Brain, I don’t know what you were trying to do to me. I am missing my college years something fierce today, and all of those that made me who I am today. My sisters, my theatre buddies, my professors, my good friends. Late night and class and mixers and shows.
This could have been nothing more than a dream. But maybe it was me telling my self not to lose ties with those people and those things that I love. As we get older, it certainly becomes harder to keep everything in balance and in check. For me anyway. Maybe this was just a little wake up call to get that shit together.